My Heart Breaks A little
by autumnferret
Summary: And I just realized, after all this time, my heart still breaks a little when I saw you.


_And I just realized, after all this time, my heart still breaks a little when I saw you._

"Chiaki.. I'm serious, do you still have feelings toward him?" Avy asked me.

"Umm.. I don't know..." I answered her.

"I need an answer.. you can tell me everything."

"Just.. why do you ask me about this?"

"You know.. just like.. I'm afraid to stab your back like…"

"No, of course not. If you do like him then it's okay actually." I faked smile.

"C'mon, I need to make sure.."

_"WOW you really do like him?! I can't believe it__! I definitely will help you!"_

Yeah. That's what she said to me when I told her that I like Sasuke for the first time. Sasuke, captain in the school's fotball team, also the boy who've been paired up with me by my classmates since last year. Avy, my best friend since I was still in the elementary school. We were in the same class this first year in the high school. We've never been in the same class in junior high school so I miss her a lot.

I do miss her. I do miss my childhood friends. All I know is that was freaking awkward between me and her. I mean, I've changed, she's also changed. Everything has changed. She turned out to become more feminine than ever. She's no longer a short haired girl with t-shirt and jeans. At least I'm still me. But I still believe in her like I did.

I remember all things she told me. I remember when she said that it was funny that I could really fall in love with Sasuke, when she said that I and Sasuke looked like a good match, and when she said that she _will help me_.

_"These days I've been texting with Sasuke.. he's really a good boy." Avy started the conversation about Sasuke_

_ "Yeah I know it..." I answered it, faking a smile again._

_ "I asked him about you.. And-" She continued to tell about her story. More specifically,__ it's__ her story with Sasuke._

I remember everything. When she asked me not to hope too much. When she said her horoscope was a good match with Sasuke's horoscope, when she said that mine didn't match his.

Actually a boy like Sasuke would like a girl with good and feminine attitude. It's the opposite of me. I was just me, I _am_ just me.

_"Don't joke around, Sasuke." I replied his text._

_ "What if I'm not joking? What if I really do like you and want you to be my girlfriend?" Sasuke replied._

_ "I told you not to joke around :p not funny at all."_

_ "I asked you what if I'm serious :p"_

_ "Well stop it, it's not funny at all, Sasuke xD"_

I remember my sweetest conversation with Sasuke in last two years. That conversation was being repeated several times when I and Sasuke were close. We slowly were being further as the time past.

Then Avy told me that they're now being close enough and Sasuke told her his secrets. _He liked me_. He liked me when we were in the same class in the second year of junior high school. I regret everything. I was just too dumb as I didn't know he's serious.

I KNOW I WAS A FOOL. I REGRET EVERYTHING I'VE DONE.

And now? Here I am. I think he was my first love. Yeah.. Others was simply 'like' but I realized that I loved Sasuke very much. I've never been as blind as I can't even see anyone when he's with me. I've never think about a boy like the way I think about him. I've never cried over a boy like I cried over him. _I've never loved a boy like the way I loved him_.

Now he fell in love with Avy, my own best friend. I know love sucks. I know first love hurts. But now that are all experiences. If I could do something I would like to scream in front of him confessing all things I really want to say. But I can't.

If only I knew he was serious. If only I didn't hurt him. Actually I would like to turn back time and make it all right. I'd go back and change my own mind. But I just can't. _What passed is past._

I don't know if I will ever love someone the way I loved him. I don't know will Avy love him the way I loved him. I don't know if somebody else will ever love him like I did.

**I'm sorry for everything. I'm really sorry. **

** Now we're **_**just friends. **_**Not more than that.**

** And I wish nothing but the best for you. For your future. With or without me.**

I used to be jealous when you're with other girls. I _used to_.

I used to think of you every single minute. I _used to._

I used to cry over you. I _used to_.

My heart used to break a little when I saw you. And I just realized, after all this time, my heart _still_ breaks a little when I saw you.

"I didn't have feelings towards Sasuke anymore." I answered

What _I really_ meant was : I did have feelings for you. I do have feelings for you. I will always have feelings for you. _But I learned to let go_.


End file.
